those walls

" You know youre my saving grace, I hope it wont fade away. I still see the halo in you"

Seems like gravity getting stronger till it pulls me on the ground again. But im still gonna raise like a skyscraper. Im not gonna surrender. Im not gonna put my guns down. i know i still can go through shits once again in the dark.

Thank you "bloods" for making me feel unfitted. Making me remembering those lullaby. The lullaby which have the black history. Which were never bring me the light. The light towards future.

I really hope one day i could be the princess marrying the knight than the prince. Love cant bring you far. Love cant make your stomach full. Love cant buy you a car. Love can buy you glass slipper. I let HIM control my life. I doesnt wish to hold things on my hand. Because i know, whatever we expected would never became reality. Being in a relationship with the one you dont love, its alright i think. Maybe you could forget about the man you love (':

Aku sayang kau sangat sangat. But i think, life should move on. Yes its a heartache, but its ALRIGHT !(:

Yes you

" There i was again tonight ,

Forcing laughter, fake a smile.

Walls of insincerity , shifting eyes and vacancy.

Vanished when i saw your face.

All i can say is it was enchanted to meet you " - Taylor Swift

I wonder why you cant accept me. I wonder why you decided not to turn back. I wonder why you given me those reply. I sometimes wonder, have you ever think of me like how i often thinks about you. I dont know the reason why, whenever somebody ask me questions which a lady wanted, my head struck with your name, your appearance, your smile, your laughter and your eyes. The way you stare at me. The way you hold my hand. And the way... you give me forehead kisses :')

I dont know the reason why im posting about you again. I dont know the reason why im doing this once again. And the funny part is , i looked pathetic. I think, you already throw all about me aye. But ill bet, you cant erase me from your heart. Because i live in your life for 7 months. How i wish i could run back to you. Im drifting away. Drifting very far.

I wasnt look like a monkey anymore (: Who keep on jumping or running towards the phone and happily read the Morning messages which were sent by you. Now it seems; every moment my phone rang, i would leave it tills it stop ringing. Because ill bet; it wasn't from you anymore. its from the crooks whom begging for satisfactions.

I must accept the facts that now you were the one who walking away and i were the one under the rain. The rain which ran down the cheeks and scratch the heart. I got one pathetic story which happen to me last week.

I was making a hot milo for my aunt that night. I was stirring the milo powder with hot water slowly. I suppose to put in the sweetened milk ; but i accidentally put in the coffee. I doesnt know what im thinking, but what i know my mind played-back a scene where you and me were fighting. I kept on stirring till at one sec; i look at the the drink , and it turns EYEEEEEEEEEEEW.

My face were like ( -.- ) Tak coooooooool eh.

You know , everything i do , even when im in the MRT reminds me of you. Yes you.

Maybe one day i should propose you in front of everybodeh right ? :P So that you know IHEARTBEATYOU alot. Hah, what am i thinking.

" Sudikah awak menerima saya kembali ke dalam kehidupan awak ? "

:P " WOAH ! Awi dalam sembilu. Aku jiwang siot ! " - shaheizy sam

Salutations Personas.

Yes those moment

"A lady who walks on the aisle, with her chin up and and her confident up high. Looking very vain on her face but bunch of flowers decorated in her heart. A man who took her for granted ; let her dreams falls in the drain." - Enchanted
A man running for a girl is common. But a woman running for a man is a challenge. Dont let her wait just because you know she will. In life, everyone can fake. But at one moment she actually speaks the truth. Just like painting. The picture which were painted, is a story untold. Its just a painting which with fiction colours. But if we search for the reason , the truth reveals.
Sometimes in life, we should think about whats the best. If you think that the best you could do, think again. Because sometimes you can ruin your life. I loath reality. certain moment , i just feel like i want to have a fantasy life. Wheres butterfly were flying sucking my nectar, fly with freedom, with love everywhere. But sadly, everything became an ugly painting.
Looking at those things which were leaving one by one pulls my knee down and make me breaks into tears. HAH, im not gonna cry anymore. The cute little angel who you use to throw, became a stranger which you will never figure out.
Now, im that BITCH you call a brat. I gonna wear that red nail polish, with red lipstick stick on her lips and a 3 inch high heels. Im not gonna let people look down on me anymore. Never will. Im a big girl.

Hearts of a stereo

"If I could only find a note to make you understand
I'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hand
Keep it stuck inside your head, so forever you gonna remember me "
I tried to change. Day by day , weeks by weeks , months by months. Just for you. i could just pray that you would not lose hope on me. I hurt you more than once. Not twice. Not thrice, but more. I couldnt bear to see those tears in your eyes. I cant bear to feel the scars which stain in your heart. But your words always make me want to die. You stole my childhood; i wouldnt want you to steal my present. Because i got this sense of feeling that once you stole my present life, i future would be dull.
Sometimes i just wanted to approach you, and show how sorry i am and how i want you to know how much i love you. But you never give me a chance. Im trying very hard to get close to you. But it seems nothing could make it possible.
Oh personas ; listen to the beats of my heart. Listen to it closely. I hope this heartbeat notes make you realise how pathetic i had been , how sorrow conquer my heart , and also how many times your name appear in my mind.
Sorry i didnt make you proud this year, AGAIN. Im just lost. Im waiting for the sun to rise again.

hah

I watched "Curiosity". WOAH; i learn something new :)

I had learn something about woman organism. INTERESTING RIGHT ? I know right ! Im wasnt being horny, but i was just "Iwanttoknow".

Here goes. When human ; a male and a female were doing intercourse, the woman body start to feel the tempo when the male is controlling her body. The nerves in her brain , will start to control her whole body till she feels the pleasure at her civics. The organism in her body will spread really fast when she thinks about those moments she got with him. Her soul would eventually when flying when the situation is happening. Both would feel the pleasure after a few interaction. The male , would force in his "bro" towards her ; till he reached the maximum; which is her smallest area inside her; which were called the civics. After a few interactions; she would feel the pleasure. And the most funny part is ; both party would feel those "FLYING PLEASURES" for just 20 seconds ! OHMYGOD -.- After erections ; the sperm would enter the virgina till her mesuration area and straight to her ovary. Thats how baby were form. This was researched by scientist in USA , if im not wrong. They use a couple as an example and a late 20 woman as their research. Its sinful for Muslim people to look at those; but this is for research about "Why having sex is fun?" The purpose this "sex" is fun is because ; most percentage in our brain ; which is the nerves gonna controls our body as the interaction happen to touch the sensitive area on human body.

OHMYGOD ! 20 seconds dudeeeeeee. Its better if you do it on the first night with your husband whom is a virgin rather than, sorry to say, man which had no future in life. RIGHT? Hah. what the hell. That is sooooo fanneh ! I still cant believe its 20 seconds. twenty ! I guess its better spending TWENTY seconds with the one ; which surely brighten your life rather than wasting that precious short moment ; with somebody useless and leave you for the WHOLE OF YOUR LIFE !

For Non-married couples who planning to do this "FUN" thing ; think twice. Would you want to feel the pleasure for T-W-E-N-T-Y seconds ; and had to carry a baby for your whole life ? HAH. Use your brain.

Sorry if this is kinda "KINKY" ; Salutations personas (:

Marry the night

I gonna marry the night. The night where theres a bright moon, bright star , waiting there for me. Where the future shows me the path. The path of greatness which were God's creations. I guess im not the only one hurt tonight, the day before or the day before yesterday. We were born to be imperfect. But i already tried my best.

I was chasing for love; but when will love come back running for me ?

Full of hatred and disgusted, when they being cheap. Those crooks will never live happily. Would never live with a happy ending. They came back to get their lust desired satisfied. I aint a bitch. I aint a whore whom you think i am. I do look wild; without any dreams to chase, had nothing left behind, had no support to hold ; BUT i still got my stance. Your wisdom , you pride , your dignity, will one day fall down the drain. I wasnt cursing , but im confident that God is fair. HE wont let us fall. HE will protect us. I know he will. Humans disappoint me too much. Im afraid if im gonna drifting away. Im afraid i may lose the light. The most thing i fear, is to lose myself.

Theres nothing left behind ; i had nothing to chase. But im thankful ; im still standing. Although im not standing straight ; im still standing. Ill show the world , i way better. Too much shits, actually made me a better woman. For those crooks, NEVER TRY ME. Im way intelligent than you do.

We fall in love at the same timeeeeee

We fall in love at the same timeeeeee :D YAY ! Buuuuuut, theres a problem. We dont get the guy we want :) But its okay pussey, we still lesbiaans which forever intact(:

Guess what , we slack till 2am almost every moment. Hows cool is that. As per usual we when hotel lapan-puluh-satu. Chey chaaaak, dont even think about it :P

Theres alot of thing people dont know but we know. I guess we know more about each other rather than our family knows us. We joke together, laugh together, and even do something stupid with teachers. We are rough, but people dont know what had been hidden behind closed doors. Sometimes i felt sad, why dont we get what we want , why we had to see those things, and why are we living this way.

She founded her answer, but where should i find mine ? Sometimes, when things screw up, we had noone to turn to except for each other, Nobody understand us, nobody can figure us out, and nobody had known what our life was like.

Our life, our money, our relationship, our family, all hidden behind closed doors. We grew stronger each day. We aren't gonna give up. We gonna show the world we can rise up from the ground. Just like the skyscraper.

We gonna show that we are something. Something which no one know we can do beyond what we can do.

that 28 November at 3am

Are you lying to yourself or its the fact that you are that way ? You made me crazy over you. You told me to forget you just like that? I wonder how. Should i move on by moving on with other guys ? WTH. Do you think it gonna work ? WEEEEEEEEEENGS.

Im just 15, but why do this feeling exist ? Funny hah. My friend said that this is "monkey love". When you got older, you will intend to get sick of loving someone who would never love you back. Funny ? definitely. Very funny. When the time is wrong, you gonna get somebody better But when the time is right, those crooks trying to steal your heart. Funny ? indeed. And we girls , are so dumb to let them enter and break our heart. True ? true enough and well evidenced.

The world is turning. From dark, to light. From humid to snow. From raining to sunshine. Weather is changing, clothes became trendy, and human became crazy. I wanna live my life till the fullest , but where should i start ? hah.

I always thought that im always in the wrong. i feel guilty. But did you ever feel the same way ? Or you always feels that i actually playing with your heart like those jerks and crooks did ? Oh wait , im the same girl like you met right ? Fuh, if that what you were thinking, think twice.

For a moment , where the tsunami just strikes and everything were gone, i feel devastated. I feel like imma loner and imma suck. I almost giving up. My lips , my finger may lie; but let me make this clear, MY HEART WOULD NEVER LIE. If i say, Im honest ; means im honest.

Remember that time i confess something about my past ; hah , that means i trust you very much. I guess, that whats you want.

Oh Ya Allah, terima kasih ataas nikmat yang telah diberikan padaku. Amin.