wheel

 You know, i always thought that life going to be different each day. But hey, its when on the same. Although you are living with a different people.
 It keeps me thinking, i always know what im doing but i have no idea why, people keep on thinking that im doing it all wrong. Like hey im not that little kids anymore. 
  Sometimes i keep on thinking that i am definitely too young to have been through all this. People who kept on telling me this and that is wrong, its as though they had never been young before. Isnt it funny? hahaha. I cried not because im feeling guilty, its because im disappointed and felt unfair. Why ? Ill tell you guys why. Disappointed because theres no trust. If we told them the truth they would eventually denied that we are telling them the truth. But when we lied, we gonna get fucked down. Am i right? Why im feeling unfair? Because we never given a chance.
  I always thought that getting away was the only solutions. but i was wrong. everywhere we go actually applies the same fucking rules, which i might say all the teenagers would hate. Maybe. But to me, i dont really care about those complied rules and regulations. I only get to a thought, why it seems so unfair and also we didnt given a chance to.
 I am aware that teenagers nowadays are so wild and carefree, but im sure 65% of these teenagers actually knows what they are doing and they aware about their surroundings. I know that these kids are intelligent enough to actually be aware about the motherfuckers are around them.
 I always have this thinking that having friends is a great benefits. Not that im using them, but hey ever thought about it ? when you are in great shit, tell me, will people like your family helping you ? Well, maybe most. But to me, friends are there. Serious shit. They been carrying my back. Thats why the trust for friends to me a bigger than the other ones i ever experience. ( Just base on my experience aye ).
 Its not that I always wanted to have fun, its just called pampering myself. You know, nobody can actually understands you them yourself. Nobody can always be there picking you up unless yourself. Sometimes its feels like, you need nobody in your life simply because you didnt want to hurt them or just simply because you dont want to get hurt of. 
 Im living with someone. Experiencing a new experience they said. But its the same actually. Like i said in the above lines, the rules and regulations are the same.
 All that i wanted people to know is that, im not dumb. i know what im doing. If you guys think that im not worth, let me go. Because im sick and tired living with people who always ordered me what to do and had no intention of listening to me every single fucking day.
 I dont need a rescuer, i need attention. Dont pretend if you know that youre not sincere. I understand. And i know. Its not worth lying. 
 I guess now what i really want is, people stop "caring" for me. Because its too late. I want freedom. Stop asking where i wanna go. Because im not that small kid who still need to be feed breast milk.
 enough said. PEACE.

Saving grace.

   Gravity. Pulling me down back to the ground. Thought that i wont be standing back up again. The courage , the strength, the joyfulness, i found it when ni look to his eyes once again. Its all written on his face when i was down there, need courage.
   I know i was wrong.Making my own way. thinking about myself. Wasnt thinking abut others. And again, im at fault again. HAH. I was selfish. Sometimes i just cant accept the way, why was i treated so bad, and i just cant do it to people.
  I, me , myself. No we, no ours. What i ever think of is just selfishness. And hey gurl, im growing up. So i guess its wasnt about me no more. :)
  The look in his eyes, the jokes, The laughter. They joy ofcause, its like a miles of happiness. I didnt know happiness was in front of my eyes all this long. I was searching. I was haunting. BUT DARLA, ITS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING EYES YOU DAMN. :)
  Whatever it is, when i did think of those hilarious times, sometimes i feel that, "Hey, my journey was a worthwhile." Its like a miracle memories we made. And were history. Who can ever thought that the wild girls, can be faithful huh. But i did it, although its hard. *Peace*
   How i wish somebody on earth would make a pills that can just reset fucking memories. That would hurt us, would eventually haunt us. Everyone is moving on. everyone reaching success.
  History were made, life is changing. But that doesnt mean you cant be happy again. Remember how heart broken i was back there in my blog. Now im living my new life, with a great new man. Im proud to call him my man, yeah. My man. Though we may look like, those rebels kid outside, but he is a great man.
  I learnt tonnes of things, guess what, we're already been a year.
theres too much to say if its about him. Well, where else i can express to right if its not in my blog. Yeah, its outdated, but who the fuck care.
 03-Dec-12. History were made. And im proud that we're still standing. XOXO with all my heart.
Thank you for everything. Although i was the motherfucker at times, i know im actually a good girl.

Breanna.
 

Journey.

 Hey readers ! feeling down today ? Feeling devastated ? Feeling useless ? Ever thought why ? What i mean why is that, ever thought of why must you feel all these even when you know you can do something to make you smile and stand up strong again ? Isnt it ?

 Always appreciate what you have. Dont always think what you dont have. People will never stop hurting your feeling. People wont stop judging. People will never be satisfy. All you have to do is, walk your life like a flowing river. If you think, crying out loud can help, so be it. Do it. Dont kill yourself slowly by that broken heart. You know yourself well, you know exactly what you feel but all those motherfuckers didnt know. So jolly-well do what you think you want to do. Listen to your heart, although its being place on the left, always know, its always right. If your heart hurt so much, use the power of your brain.

And always remember this 3 things in life so youre be forever successful.
(1) Be strong when youre weak.
(2) Be brave when youre scared.
(3) Be humble when youre victorious.

Life is journey. Dont just set goals. Set your route as well.

Good Day ! :)

It kills me slowly.

 You know women. Women usually have a very gentle heart, a loving heart although how aggressive they gonna show themselves. Attitude of being aggressive usually because of these girls dont want to show their weakness. Well same goes to me actually.

What actually kill me the most is, when i had given the full priority and trust towards somebody which i can i say, i care for, the person will eventually take advantage about it. After the incident, they will be on their knees and begging you for forgiveness. And yeah, girls will give the second chance. Sometimes i wonder, will this going to repeat again..

I know i said i already forgiven,  but it simply cant be forgotten. Every moment when my heart breaks a little, all the feeling going to mix up and everything will eventually cocked up. CHAOS. Its just so hurt knowing somebody you cared actually takes advantage towards your kindness. And the next minute, you going to be the one who suffers, suffers in silent. Why is this happening ? Why am i always in this life ? And why on earth i am still stuck there ? Yes, there.

It even kills me when i heard all those bitches names. its not im jealous, its because its hurting. Its like, HEY YOURE MINE BUT YET YOURE TELLING ME THAT YOU HAD DONE THIS AND THAT WITH THOSE BITCHES. Frankly, at first i dont care at all, but as day passes by, when nobody listen to my story and nobody is there holding my hand throughout my raining & storming days, that feeling of "I dont care" changes into glass. Glass which gonna break and break and cant be fix. it seems like im so sensitive, im so terribly traumatize, i am so depressed. its going back to square. I cried my heart out, i scream, i punched, but nothing works. All i ever got is that, bruises and heartbreaks. It seems like im dying every seconds and minutes of my life.

Its seems so hurtful that nobody is there listening to what youre unhappy about, listening to what you had to say and even when you are not the "main" one. Saying to your own girl about other girls flawlessness eventually gonna make your girl go wild. And she will start depressing herself with the flaws she had. She will of cause thinks that she is not good enough and the fucking part is, SHE GONNA BE INSECURE. When that happens, dont fucking blame her when she did the same towards you.

What would you eventually feels when youre open-minded with your guy and he just get over-reacting. Like example; he going to say "Woah this girl has a nice curves" And you were there, looking at what the girl have and you dont. Its feels as though "Am i fucking invisible?" ; or maybe "You said i am your all, but the fact is you are looking at the other bitch". Subsequently, everything you said is actually made the girl feels like she is being lied to.

i understand that guys cant resist this, but if a girl can fucking ignore those motherfuckers out there, why cant they ? And simply this guys maturity levels still down there, all they say is "Long term relationship, long term relationship" but the fact is, they kept on hurting those girls. And the end of the story, girls is the one who get the blame for leaving those guys. Come on people, dont live to hurt people can you ?

Why is it so hard to listen to other people story ? And why is it so hard to pay attention and just look in the people eyes and show that youre listening ? I cant understand this term at all. If we can do it, why cant they do it ? Why always care about your heart breaks ? Why dont you think about other people heartbreaks ?

The feeling when you had nobody, and youre only source of expressing your expression is that one and only person, but that person just simply can be bothered ? yeah, it kills me bro. It hurt me alot. You would never understand, because all you think of is you and yourself. You never felt the suffering that i been through, trying to find my own survival in my daily life.

Please show me that youre a man. Show me that you can take responsibilty towards me. Because im the girl, who suffers and shed too much tears in her life without no bitch ever known.

so, THANK YOU :)

HEY SONS, MAMA IS BACK.

And so, after a long period of time; im posting again ^^ YAY. Im so happy that i got my account back, as all this while shits keeps happening and i dont know where to pour it too.

As you can see, im not really moving on. Why am i saying this ? Because im doing nothing productive daily. Really nothing. Absolutely nothing. Sometimes i feel a little disappointed with myself. For the things i had done consciously or unconsciously. Its seems not right every time. Its like nothing is right in front of their eyes. Sometimes i stop, and ponder to myself, what on earth i had done wrong? And why are they acting that way ?

So i guess, ill end here (: ill post something real soon. And always remember guys, dont be afraid of people surround you. Be scared towards what you chosen your life going to be.

ALLAHUAKBAR

Oh Allah,

Kuatkan lah aku. Sakit hatiku melihat dia semakin jauh. Sakit hatiku melihatnya mengejarnya. Mudah mudahan, di suatu saat, dia akan bahagia seperti sediakala.

Oh Teman, maafkan lah aku jikalau aku tidak merelakan kau dengannya. Dia telah mencuri hatiku. Tetapi, pada suatu saat, Insya'allah kau akan mendapatkannya. Dengan rela aku melepaskannya.

Haish

Just as if they know, what am i going through. I wanna be a princess living happy ever after. But look me now ?

Why must i sacrifices ? Sacrifices for family ? For friends ? Or whatever occasions? Why must it be me ? I know , im understanding and easy to go with. BUT , have you forgotten im still a human ?

Life getting older, and its getting harder. Gravity is pulling down my legs.

ALL i can say, PLEASE : I NEED SUPPORT :')